I've been drawing for as long as I can remember. I've gone from drawing with crayons, to doodling in ballpoint, to working digitally in Photoshop. I worked, and learned, and drawn and colored. And something happened about 10 years ago: I plataued. I hit the apex of my talent. I have gotten as good as I will ever get. 10 years, and no improvement, no change, no growth. And this zenith of mine is sadly mediocre at best. I am a solidly mediocre, predictable, pedestrian, and ultimately forgettable artist... and I will never be anything else.

I kept pushing myself this past decade trying to get to a point where I could make Enigmanaut as a comic book I could self distribute. I was sure if I kept pushing I'd reach that point where I could do it... but it was a pipe dream all this time. Enigmanaut will never see the light of day. I'm just not strong enough to bring it about.

And Time Gone Vaughn... much simpler art style... I'm no closer to being able to do that. It's all one big boulder I've been pushing up a hill for so long. Well, it's all left me with a choice: Continue drawing my mediocre drawings, maybe hash together an inferior version of the comic that's been rattling around my head for so long, or pack it all up, stop living in my dreams and make something realistic out of what I have in my life already. But it's got to be all or nothing. I either keep drawing and keep breaking my heart everytime I work my ass off on a piece only to have it ignored and passed over, or completely stop drawing.

Do I keep pushing the boulder like Sisyphus, or do I say "frak you" to the gods and walk away from it all? The next few days won't be easy.